There are days when I feel terribly old. The night was exhausting because one of the children did not sleep again. The morning drags on sluggishly because I just feel like a zombie due to the lack of sleep. A zombie who greedily looks at the clock 20 times an hour and calculates how much longer it is until finally nap time – the time in the day when the big one has to play alone in her room and I can finally finally catch up on the missing sleep. But it also happens that I get out of bed in the morning in top form, only to end up as a zombie again at 11 o'clock, muttering to myself: "Lunchtime rest. Mittaaagsruuuuheeee!" Sleep, just sleep.
I used to dance flamenco and standard, spent nights out in discotheques and bars. I have played professional billiards and also experienced a lot of other things. If you would ask me today about my hobby, my answer would probably be: "Mittaaagsruuuheeee!"
I'm so tired, and I'm not even working at the moment. Am I old? My mother means, with 40 the best time of her life would have been. She was fit as a fiddle and full of beans and emigrated with child and cone to South America at that time. I'm 37 now and I'm already freaking out just having to pack my bags for our vacation. Am I effeminate? Or was it not simply JuNGER? She had her children at 25 and 32, I mean at 32 and 37. Is it better to have children sooner or later? And so then also the current Blogparade of Topelternblogs asks: Are later parents the better parents??
In fact, today's trend is that mothers, especially first-time mothers, are older than in previous generations. The reason is often studies, career, or simply not having met the right man yet. Here are my thoughts on the most important points that speak for and against late motherhood. These are the holy five: Time, Money, Character, Fitness and Ommm.
The time aspect
After graduation, I wanted to work first, prove myself, find out my value in the job market. One could now think that because of the late pregnancy at 32 I could then have fully concentrated on my child. But this was not so. At the time we were trying to get pregnant, I received a job offer as editor-in-chief, which I couldn't refuse. And who knew if I could actually get pregnant? A week after I signed the contract, I realized I was pregnant. Hallelujah. The joy is now mixed with ambition. As so often in my life, I found myself between door and doorbell. So until two weeks before the birth I was working highly motivated and very very stressed 100%. Three months after the birth I started again with 80%. A creative break was unthinkable from a career point of view. So did I have more time for my child as an "old" mother? No. So the fact is: time has nothing to do with age.
The money aspect
Since I was in the middle of my professional life at the time of birth and had already achieved quite a bit, we had no money problems. With two good incomes, luxury was definitely in there. So we decided to build, so that our children could grow up in a house. The mortgage of the house, however, meant that I definitely HAD to keep working to secure our existence. Cause once you've made money, it's hard to back down. You get used to the luxury of having a full fridge every day. I think when you're a young mother, maybe you don't care about those luxuries. At 37 I have different basic needs than at 20. But as a later, older mother, I probably spend more money on my kids (who are my true luxury) than I would on a smaller budget. Do the children really need it? I do not think.
The character aspect
Character develops over time. At 20, I didn't know what to expect from life, where my path was going and who and what I was. You search for yourself. Is it possible to raise children when one has not yet arrived anywhere oneself?? Clear. However, I for myself am glad that in my 20s I have so to speak sowed my wild oats, tried a lot and discarded it again, without consideration for anyone. I have experienced enough that I don't miss anything today if I have to cut back because of the children. And I no longer have to prove to myself who I am, because I simply KNOW it. However, I have found this only through being a mother, because I have found myself in the role of mother new and found. I like me as a mother. And as a businesswoman. If I had become a mother young, I would have missed out on a lot of experience that I needed for my personal character development. I don't want to badmouth a young mother, quite the opposite, as will become clear in the next point. But for me it fit like this.
The fitness aspect
It's a fact: I'm such a couch potato. Most of all I like to be at home, tidy up, clean out, write, read, cook. Playgrounds are anathema to me. I sent my husband to the Muki-Vaki gymnastics, so that he finally "does something" with the daughter too. Sport is just not my thing. I don't like to run after the kids ("oh, LadyGaga knows she's not allowed to run on the street…" Oops, raven mother). At 20, I was much fitter, if only because of all the dancing I did. I went through the nights, preferably with a lot of alcohol. If I would have been a young mother, I would have much more verve today and wouldn't have been a walking corpse at 11 o'clock in the morning, with made-up circles around my eyes. Would have had bicycle chain. But just, then I could hardly have danced the night into day back then. But as an older mother today I am very often tired to the bone, to the essence of my being. I don't like that at all.
Ommmmm
I think that as you get older you necessarily develop more ommmm. Serenity is something that can only really grow with experience. A person who has been spat on by his boss for the hundredth time tends to be (hopefully) more relaxed than a freshman just out of training. You take things less personally (but still!!). Life's insights also harden, just as the soles of your feet become callused over the years. You don't let yourself be sold X for U anymore – especially not by your own children! Children give you a serenity you never thought possible. Presumably, the ommmm of life can thus be celebrated even as a young mother. It is the children, not only the age alone, that bring us into balance.
Thanks to the experience of my professional life, I do not see many things so narrowly with my children and vice versa. Employees often behave like children, so you learn for life as well. Conclusion: experience teaches you the ommm of life (a glass of whiskey can sometimes have the same effect), but children also toughen up. Who has a rubber ball at home from 5.30 o'clock in the morning until late in the evening is active, MUST have Ommmmm (or again a whiskey, see above). Whether young, whether old – Ommmm is everywhere!
The most important aspect at the end
The most important point I'll mention at the end: it's called HA. Hopefully my list has shown that it doesn't matter how old you are as a parent. Young parents may be fitter, more flexible, less agitated. Older parents may be calmer and more settled in life. But this does not have to be the case at all! As everywhere, it depends on the individual situation. Or just: Ha! Life has its own rules anyway and cannot be pigeonholed. We are as good a parent as we allow ourselves to be. But I would like to be a little less tired.
How do you see it? Are you old or young parents and what do you find good about it? I am curious about your comments.